Personal Essays

I Was Going to Design the Revolution. I Am Now on the 4am Ore Sorting Shift.

For three years I told anyone who would listen that when the Revolution came, it would need people like me — people who understood visual hierarchy, color theory, and the semiotics of radical imagery. I had a very strong portfolio. I had even stronger opinions. The Revolution, it turned out, had a calculator.

Mar 13, 2026

The Revolution Came. Turns Out It Needed Potato Sorters, Not Reiki Practitioners.

I spent three years building a brand around 'abundance mindset' and 'decolonizing wellness.' The Central Planning Committee spent approximately four seconds assigning me to the Volga District Potato Processing Facility, Shift B. Apparently the classless society has very little class for my certified sound bath certification.

Mar 12, 2026